Life has been kind of difficult as of recently. I know, I know, ‘You’re only 16, what could you possibly have to deal with that is so difficult!?’ but us teens struggle with life too; and I have a tenancy to relapse all the time. My fear of death and my optimistic and often happy persona are the only things keeping me going. That and the fact that I have endeavored into the wonderful world of reading once again and fallen in love with the fantastical, magical novel: “The night circus” once again. This book truly makes it’s reader feel as though dreams are palpable things.
Most people when at this stage of emotional turmoil – like myself – would often go on a holiday or comfort themselves by binging or running away from their problems. I, on the other hand just find myself with my head in the clouds; thinking about things that I cannot have but imagine them so deeply and vividly that I trick myself into believing it, even if only for a few moments. And I feel as though the book has made these illusions even more immersive and possible.
However my own dreamscapes aren’t as intricate and non-nonsensical as the ‘Crque De Reves‘. Usually, my own illusions consist only of the simplest of pleasures:
I long to feel the soft breeze play with my hair and caress my cheeks whilst the grass mimics the comfort of a bed from beneath me as I lay outside vulnerable yet feeling safer and more fulfilled than I have for the last three years.Silhouettes of trees frame my unfathomably dazzling view of the moon that hangs high above the world on a single flawless summer night. And the stars! The stars that compliment the moon look beautiful beyond belief! Each, individual tine speck of wishing wonder like glitter or fairy dust that has been split across the vibrant hues of the night sky.
As I inhale the woody incense of the outdoors, the moss hidden between the trees and thick sent of pine cones and musty leaves, the sound of crickets and whistling of the wind running through the labyrinth of thick grass would act as a sweet lullaby. Or I could have the song ‘Handsome ghosts by Blood Stutter’ playing quietly in the background, layering over mother nature’s own melody.
That’s all I desire. To sleep among the stars just for one night, carefree and infinite. That’s all I can think about as of lately.